Silence Speaks Too - avoiding the conversation says everything

Ever avoided saying something because it felt easier? More convenient? Less likely to cause a stir?

You’re not the only one.

In fact, we often think we’re protecting someone (or ourselves) by keeping quiet. We tell ourselves it’s not the right time, or that we’ll bring it up later. And sometimes, we never do. The moment passes. The words get swallowed. And the silence begins to speak on our behalf.

Because silence does say something. It always does.

What You Don’t Say Still Has Impact

Avoiding the conversation doesn’t mean the tension disappears. It just simmers under the surface. Maybe you notice yourself becoming a little colder. A bit more distant. Maybe there’s a shift in your body language, or the way you respond. Even if no words are spoken, the message gets through.

And the irony is, we avoid these conversations because we don’t want to rock the boat. But the silence is the rocking.

Why Do We Avoid Speaking Up?

There are many reasons:

• We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings

• We fear being misunderstood

• We’re not sure how to say it “the right way”

• We don’t want to seem dramatic or needy

But here’s a reframe: when we speak honestly and compassionately, we’re not creating conflict. We’re creating clarity. And clarity is kindness.

Our Bodies Will Say It Anyway

Even when your mouth stays shut, your body has a language of its own. It might come out as tension. Or over-smiling. Or not making eye contact. Maybe you avoid certain topics altogether. You might even feel that heavy pit in your stomach when the conversation you’re avoiding bubbles up.

We are always communicating, even in silence.

Saying the Thing

You don’t need a TED Talk speech prepared. You don’t even need to have all the answers. But if something feels unspoken, unacknowledged or unresolved , the bravest, kindest thing you can do is name it.

Try something like:

“There’s something I’ve been sitting with that feels important to share.”

“I’m worried I’ll get this wrong, but I want to talk about what’s been on my mind.”

“I’m feeling some tension and I wonder if we can talk about it?”

It doesn’t need to be dramatic. It just needs to be honest.

Final Thought

If there's a conversation you've been avoiding, whether it's with a partner, a parent, a friend, or even your boss, maybe now’s the time to ask yourself why. Is it fear of conflict? Fear of being misunderstood? Or fear of what their response might confirm?

Avoidance doesn’t protect us from discomfort, it prolongs it.

And as James Clear wisely put it:

“Action relieves anxiety.”

Sometimes, the most freeing thing you can do is simply… begin.