The Apology Audit: What Would Happen If You Stopped Saying Sorry?

We’ve all done it.

You’re walking through a door at the same time as someone else - “Oh, sorry!”

You ask a perfectly reasonable question - “Sorry, quick question!”

You take a moment to collect your thoughts, or God forbid, ask for help, and somehow you’re the one apologising.

It’s a national pastime in Britain. If we’re not apologising for things that aren’t our fault, we’re apologising for simply existing.

But what if we stopped?

The Sorry Reflex

I first noticed it more acutely when a foreign friend looked at me, genuinely baffled, and asked:

“Why do you Brits always say sorry, even when you haven’t done anything wrong?”

It really threw me. Because I hadn’t done anything wrong. I’d literally just interrupted myself mid-story to apologise for “talking too much”!

Since then, I’ve started listening out for it, not just in myself, but in my clients too.

And let me tell you, once you tune in, you can’t unhear it.

Women especially apologise for everything:

• For asking a question.

• For sharing their needs.

• For taking up time in a coaching session they paid for.

• For prioritising themselves for once.

It’s as though somewhere along the way, we learned that confidence = arrogance, and self-assurance = rudeness.

But this chronic apologising habit doesn’t make us more likable. It just makes us smaller.

What Are You Really Saying?

Most of the time, “sorry” isn’t even about being sorry. It’s about:

• Wanting to avoid judgment.

• Softening our presence.

• Pre-empting criticism.

• Not wanting to be “too much.”

But every time we say “sorry” when we mean something else, like thank you, excuse me, I have a right to be here, we reinforce the idea that we’re somehow wrong for showing up as we are.

And in mindset coaching, we call this what it is: a habit of self-erasure.

The Confidence Reframe

So here’s what I challenge my clients to do (and yes, myself too):

Start your own Apology Audit.

Catch the moments when that reflexive “sorry” slips out and ask:

What am I actually trying to express here?

Is there a more powerful way to say it?

Try swapping:

“Sorry for going on” → “Thanks for listening while I worked that out.”

“Sorry I’m late” → “Thanks for your patience.”

“Sorry to ask” → “Can I clarify something?”

Because when we start saying what we actually mean, we stop shrinking and start standing tall.

Final Thought

You don’t owe the world an apology for being here. You’re allowed to take up space. To have needs. To speak clearly. To not preface every sentence with “sorry, just quickly…”

And if you’re feeling the pull to shed the apology reflex, and rebuild your mindset from the inside out, that’s where coaching can help.

Because confidence isn’t loud. It’s clear. And clarity starts when we stop saying sorry for who we are.