How Long Do You Stay Stuck in a Bad Moment?
Earlier this week, I read a line from James Clear that really struck me:
“Your goal in life should be to reduce the amount of time it takes you to get out of a bad state.”
Not to avoid disappointment.
Not to pretend frustration doesn’t exist.
Simply to shorten the time you stay there.
Because life is full of moments that knock us sideways, a bad run, a mistake, a conversation that didn’t land, an outcome we didn’t want. The challenge isn’t having those moments. It’s what we do next.
James shares a story his wife once told him:
“When you’re five, you can be mad for a day.
When you’re ten, you can be mad for an hour.
By the time you’re thirty, you get ten minutes - and then you move on.”
I love this because it reframes growth beautifully.
Maturity isn’t about never feeling disappointed.
It’s about recovering more quickly.
In my coaching work, I see this again and again. People often judge themselves for having an emotional reaction, when the real skill lies in how fast they can recognise it, sit with it, and then shift.
You’re allowed to feel frustrated.
You’re allowed to be disappointed.
You’re even allowed a defined window to fully experience it.
But staying there - replaying, catastrophising, turning one moment into a story about who you are - that’s where confidence quietly drains away.
Resilience isn’t toughness. It’s responsiveness.
It’s noticing when you’ve slipped into a bad state… and choosing, consciously, to step out of it sooner than you used to.
That’s growth.
That’s emotional strength.
And that’s a skill you can absolutely train.
Closing reflection
The aim isn’t to eliminate bad moments.
It’s to shorten their shelf life.
Feel it. Learn from it.
Then move on - lighter, wiser, and still intact.
